SURI IS BLUE, BUT IVY SHOULD BE GREEN

Salud, Kids!

Joy and rapture.

Bouncin' Blue Ivy Carter has made the scene in New York City and people are losing their minds.

I know this because Ivy is GREEN.

Wait, if you are richly-rich I suppose it can be any color in the rainbow. You just pay someone to change it for ya.


Some are lovin' Beyonce (I'm not putting in the dumb accent mark)and JZ and their shenanigans.

Some are, well, not.

Heck, a new baby (faked pregger pillow? who's to say?)IS always a joyous thing to behold. So, let us simply say that we hope this infant brings them peace on earth.

However, like the month January and the Kardash-dots-semicolons, I'm already BORED BLUE with this news/mess (was she or wasn't she preg, did she have some Brazilian surrogate). Yawn and snooze-fest.

Please let them cocoon for a few months and coo and cuddle BIC (I still say it should be GIC-Green Ivy Carter).

Besides, the cradle runneth-OVAH with celeb-tots, so they should TRY to keep it real.


My favorite celeb-spawn?

Suri Cruise.

Not only because she is defiant and publicly lets her feelings be known (that's not HER in the snap), or refuses to wear a coat in the frigid NYC winters until she probably turns a perfect designer shade of blue.

Not only because she wears better shoes and threads than the Queen of England (have you ever really looked at the shoes wrapped around those royal soles?).

No, I prefer Suri because she is always eating cupcakes, ice cream or penis shaped gummy-whatevers (don't give me the squint-eye on that last one. Katie bought 'em for her, not me-Google/Bing it).

I admire that her parental units let her do whatever she wants, 24/7. It's easier that way, let me tell you. I mean why fight it? You know celeb-snots are gonna grow up and do whatever they please, so why not kick it off at birth?

This reminds me that I need to share this gem to a certain someone a time zone and climate range away.

Yeah, she's got a new babeh and needs tips (doesn't every new Mother just CRAVE loads of unasked for advice? Certainly.) to get him off on the right foot in life. He is gonna need every advantage to compete with the spawn of the famous.

RECOMMENDATIONS FOR A SUPER SPOILED CELEB-WORTHY-CHILD

*No specific bedtime (should set their own schedule to fit their mood)
*Loads of sugar (any form), day and night
*No fruit or vegetables, if they don't want them
*No books allowed in house
*No educational games, ever
*Unlimited clothing budget (even if parents have to sink deeply into debt)
*Allowed to select their attire (even if inappropriate for weather or occasion)
*No form of manners to be taught or used
*Uncontrolled running/screaming in any and every public location (especially restaurants, grocery stores, drug stores, malls...endless)is required
*Public and private temper tantrums (prolonged preferred) should be encouraged
*Hitting, slapping, scratching, shouting (this should include parents, other adults and children)
*They should never respect rules or authority figures

Yeah, I think this is an excellent way to get her little guy off to a perfect start in life.

Naturally, I plan to offer tons more unsolicited advice. A lot of it.

Wait, I wasn't raised according to the rules on that list, so guess I will have to utilize those dumb manners my parents INSISTED on hammering into my thick head and NOT offer her my tips.

Dragola and HOW will she manage without them? Better yet, how will her offspring navigate a world filled with entitled little celeb-brats?

Drama, drama, drama.

And, if you haven't seen the blog, Suri's Burn Book, you should-but only if you REALLY appreciate satire.

Oh, that Suri.

See ya 'round the beaches-real or virtual.
Read me fictionally, The Bainbridges of the Palm Beaches, Barnes & Noble, eBooks.