RELATIVE VALUE COLIN

Hey, kids-WHAT TIME IS IT?

Oscar Time!

Finally.

Do we even care at this point? As I said before, it will be same thing-MILLIONITH verse in Los Angeles on Sunday. By the time the AA's roll around I am on awards show overload. Ugh.

Don't get me wrong, I have my favorites and Colin Firth speaking like a king is at the tippy-top of my personal list.

Forget him as royal-royalty, and value him as a relative.

AROUND YOU, AROUND ME

It could be that I am among the last to hear of this iPhone app.

Around me is my new favorite.

Heck, even if I don't want to go anywhere it is super fun to check out what I am missing!!

MONIKER, MONIKER, WINDTALKER

Some Egyptian guy named his daughter, Facebook.

Not to judge, but I'm not sure this is the best idea for that little girl. Remember when YOU were in first-twelfth grade and your name became the butt of a million jokes? Uh-huh.

I get that he wanted to honor the role the social network mega-giant (don't tell me that is redundant) played in the Egyptian revolution of so forth. But, think of that kid running around the playground being called, Facebook. Not to mention the possibility of Facebookworm, In-Your-Facebook, Funny-Facebook...endless.

I am sort of grateful that this hasn't always been a trend.

Can you imagine some of the monikers that could have been hung on unsuspecting baby heads from historic uprisings.

Yeah, think on that ONE.

Then again, historically speaking, there are some pretty interesting possibilities.

Is it too late to change my kids name to Windtalker?

##

EXPLOSIVES OVER THE PALM BEACHES

It was explosive over the waters in the Palm Beaches last evening and not simply because I am laptop deep into the fourth chapter of my new fictional novel, Privately Palmer. Although, my new character, Palmer, is pretty groovy.

The fireworks display was beautiful, you know all the usual when colors flash in the sky.
Watching it I noticed how they were reflecting against two of our terrace doors and I started snapping. So, here you go.

Oh, it wasn't to celebrate the holiday designated for Prezes. Nah, it was to rejoice in the one year anniversary of the Flagler waterfront renovation. Listen, around here it is all about US. And, when I say us, I do NOT count myself as part of that us.


Bored with it all was our Cavi. When it became just too explosive for her delicate ears she retreated from the living room. She is much better than in the past. Yes, you become very so accustomed to the refined experience of exploding powder and paper when you live in the land of the la-de-da!

INSOMNIA AND THE 80's

Kids, I've never been one to sleep overly much. I figure if I am dozing there is much that I am missing! Sleep is just one of those boring, necessary, evils.

So, it is not unusual for me to be awake at all hours and there are all sorts of cool things happening and I'm not talking about those zany infomercials. What? Like they aren't cool?

Yep, while the world sleeps, I find all sorts of interesting things are happening. I swear it is shocking that people want to sleep through it all. Shocking.

If you comb the Internet you can see what you are missing and even take a trip to the 80's, and here is proof.

Now, if this doesn't keep you up at night go ahead and get your Z on.

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AMTRAK, COCKTAILS AND YOUTUBE

Kiddies, this is my day to see, hear and think about trains. Mainly, Amtrak, but there's more. Did you hear the big news that Amtrak launched their own YouTube channel? If you wanna check it out, proceed. The clips I am posting have absolutely nothing to do with that partik topic.

This Amtrak newsflash, along with the fact I had to wait while an Amtrak rail car blew down the tracks in West Palm this morning, got my train wheels spinning.

As always, sitting there watching those silver boxes zip past, my thoughts go to my love of train travel. A two week Amtrak odyssey a few years back made me fall in love with riding the rails...first class you understand! Uh-huh, I'm not talking 'bout tossing myself into some freight car.

True train travel is from the past, civilized and sassy. Whether it is gliding up the western coastline from Los Angeles to Seattle, an antique train in Vermont or the Chunnel between London and Paris, it is divine. I even loved the little five-mile job that ran through the park when I was kid.

Let me pause all this romanticising chat of train travel, because if you live here you could be thinking of the Tri-Rail, and that is simply not a part of this saga, okay?It is a fine way to travel along the Treasure Coast and let's leave it at that for today.
So, I salute trains and if you haven't taken a real trip on one, get yourself to the Amtrak site, visit them on YouTube and get on THAT. They aren't even paying me to say this, but they should, don't ya think?

If this just is not your cup of tea...how about a nice Chunnel cocktail from a bartender in Austin, Texas?



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LILO TOP THE LETTERMAN LIST, BUT NOT AFI

My tolerance level for LiLo is CRESTING!

She is sad, pathetic and needs serious help, but she doesn't seem to realize she is a major mess. But, please make her image go away for a few years. No, I am NOT speaking of the woman show above. Sadly, she is already gone and there is a shortage of replacements. Big time.

No, let us see if we can convince gossip rags to ban the subject of Parent Trap Freckles. Today it is about her freaky father and how he booked her on Letterman to do the Top Ten List without her permission. Who knows if that is true, but, I believe we may know which direction to point ALL fingers for this disastrous young girl. Let us not forget, Mommy Dearest Dina, who is no madre-of-the-year, apparently.

Now, Mr. Achy-Breaky Heart is calling foul on Disney and his hillbilly daughter, Smiley Papyrus...I just can not bring myself to type her real name today. Again, family gone awry, but I am not judging. Can they slide into the night so we are free from their images?

To me, the current slate of talent is a heaping-helping of no-talent and no class, served up to an undemanding public.

Of course, the entertainment machines only crank out what is gobbled up, so I still do not judge. Well, not much.

Nope, the only judges I want to think about today are the ones serving up a more interesting list of REAL actresses. That cinematic institute has graciously provided a clip naming the top twenty-five best of all-time and I am thrilled to report the names won't be found on TMZ and such with any regularity, if ever.

I tend to agree and as I peruse this list, I can not bring myself to refer to the two scraggly Hollywood tarts mentioned earlier as actresees. It is offensive and an affront to me and to this list.

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KEN AND BARBIE, REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD

Kids!

Valentine's Day is DUNZO, but let's talk pretend couples anyway. No, I'm not talking about Michael K and his...MAH BOO. Although that fake match-up is WAY more entertaining than REAL celebu-couples.

Mattel is feeling good now that Barbie and Ken have changed their plastic ways and patched things up in the world of romantic toys.

Personally, I am super relieved to read this news. It is sort of like hearing that Brad ran back into the toned and tanned arms of Jennifer. The world at peace, right? Right!

Of course, I feel somewhat a failure in all things gossip blogs because I had no idea Kenbie were living in splitsville. Bummer.


In case you are as out of the Kenbie (my made up name for them, like-Brangie) loop, she quit that perfectly coiffed bitch (yes, I am talking about KEN) for some surfer dude a few years back. Ken has changed his hair and that was all it took to have her come crawling back. Wait, do Barbie legs even BEND? Well, THAT is another blog!

All this pretend drama is a fairly clever ploy to make this timeless couple, relevant and get kiddies of all ages lugging Kenbie out of the toy stores and into the playroom.

Now, back to those bendy legs...

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THE BAINBRIDGES, AGENTS AND PENNIES

Kids, you know about my fictional books, The Bainbridges, and my decision to stop seeking agents and try to e-publish.

Have been reading some other blogs and some writers are making electronic chapters available for as little as $.99 per chapter. As little as?

Stay with me on my sagas, okay?

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THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD...

Happy V-Day from Indiscreetly Us and Frank!

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ROMANCE IS IN THE AIR AND ON DVD

Kiddies, I don't LIKE being told what to do and when to do it. Oh, no.

Days such as, February 14, are one of those days. Believe me, I love romance more than cupcakes, but this forcing affection, cards and gifts just does not do it for me. Fortunately, around here we are in agreement and find simple ways to make ordianry days, extraordinary. This is NOT to say we haven't had superb V-Days. Yes, we have, when we feel like making them extra-fab, we get on that and make it happen.

I may not have an appreciation for being told WHEN to feel romantic, but I do have appreciation for all things called romantic movies. Yep, I love 'em, but I don't really think I know too many people who love them as much as I do. Heck, seems all the main characters in the, Movie Called My Life , prefer stories revolving around serial killers, depression and disease.

Wait, Gaz likes schlocky B movies, and my list of faves exclude the Jennifer Aniston rom-coms (horror is more like it).

To honor romance, I give you a favorite scene from, Two Weeks Notice. Seen it hundreds of times and love it, every time!!

FORBES FREAKS ON PALM BEACH COUNTY

Kiddies, my little rant about building management not being so lovely yesterday pales in comparison to the scathing report in, Forbes, about Palm Beach County.

Not afraid to pull punches the report slammed the area and even compared it to Flint, Michigan; blah, blah, blah!

So, Forbes, here is my personal list of the good, the bad and the ugly of living in Palm Beach County.

Let us start with the ugly because that's way more funner (yep, I love making up words, so just go with it). Oh, this stuff is just off the top of my head, imagine how fabulous these lists would be with some genuine thought!!

THE UGLY...
#Expression on the faces of the people who live across the hall from us when they come into contact with us.
#Traffic on I95 (filled with crazies).
#Rude people at every turn.
#Staff at Macy's at City Place. They think everyone is a tourist they will never see again.
#Ass-cheeks hanging out on the pool deck of this building.

THE BAD
#ONE major grocery store chain.
#Rude people at every turn (there is a lot of this, so it goes here twice, okay?)
#Arrogance run amuck by entitled people who really should get over themselves.
#Ridiculous real estate prices in the midst of a questionable economic situation.
#DSW has one location in Boca and the closest Pei Wei is in Wellington. What in holy hell? Yes, I'm petty, but I love my shoes and PW.

THE GOOD
#Walking on the beach on Sunday morning with my favorite types.
#Looking at the Atlantic, every day.
#Wearing sandals, year-round.
#Convertible rides under palm trees.
#Saturday morning breakfast at City Diner.
#Meeting some really cool, unsnobby people.
#Searching consignment stores for 'finds'.
#Gorgeous sunsets.
#George at Kona.
#Morton's happy hour.
#Buttercream cupcakes in Miami.
#Strolling down Worth Avenue just to annoy the living hell out of the rich and pretend-rich.
#Living near B for the first time in YEARS.
#Lastly, if you have ever lived in Columbus, Ohio...I need not say more about the beauty of living in Palm Beach County. There is no Utopia, so, SUCK IT, Forbes!

FLORIDA HILLBILLIES ARE SO MICKEY MOUSE

Kiddies, I bring you the opening credits from the Beverly Hillbillies because today I am feeling like there is not a great difference between that dumb show, and people who manage beautiful buildings in West Palm Beach. Just sayin'.

Actually, both clips sum up how things are run in these parts. High-rise speaking.

Gotta go and let my hound dog take a swim in the cement pond.

ANNETTE O MAY CALL ME FACEBOOK SPAM

Being considered Spam is harsh, even though it comes from a cold-hearted computer-generated message.

No matter, I've been called worse, so let us keep rolling with all things, celebrities on Facebook.

Unlike Arlene Golonka, some celebs do NOT want to friend you. Isn't that fun of them?

What, they want to have a private life and keep you out of their computer world? Fair enough. Besides, maybe I don't want to be THEIR friend. I do, I really do, but I must get over it.

So, this is the message you get when you take a stab at friending random celebs.

Face it, we ain't nothin' but S-P-A-M!!

Now, I'm all hungry for some reason.

STARS, STARRING ON FACEBOOK

Facebook, ah, Facebook. Come on, kiddies, let us discuss the good, the bad and the ugly of social networking.

But, one at a time, and I chose the good today.

As much as I moan, groan and slam Zucker-Kid, I am beginning to appreciate the true magnitude of the medium. Many reasons come to mind, not the least is the fact that everyone and their hamster is FBing their fingers to the nub (btw, I often wonder how it works for folks who don't really know the home keys-if you have to ask, you don't know them).

We can all agree that all the cool, young music and acting types are all over the 'net, and not simply on Facebook. Yeah, yeah-groovy and may the force of WiFi be with them.

Forget about them, for the sake of this post, hit the rewind button in your head and think older, more obscure artists. I am talking about the ones who worked in the past decades and are still into projects. You recognize their faces, names maybe not so much.

Dear ones, they are still out there working their asses off and they get precious press these days. Now, you have to make a little effort to find them, but they are there and they will friend you on Facebook. Yes, they will. Well, most of them.

Today, I bring you one, Arlene Golonka, my personal friend on FB. She was kind enough to accept my friend request, which I did on a lark. Could be some Web master is doing the work for her, but who cares?

She's done MANY things, but I give you a slice of AG on a show called, Valerie. Arlene appears around the 6:14 point, so move the needle there (unless you are enthralled at the idea of seeing a very young, Jason Bateman) and cast your gaze upon Arlene. Then, go send her a friend request.
.
I think I may be onto a new project-friending celebrities you don't really see that much anymore. See ya at the 6:14 mark!

Oh, ever heard the name, Frank Bank?

You will see him in my friend list.

THERE IS POULTRY IN THE HOUSE

There is a chicken in the house and I do not mean my house or freezer and this is not the chicken in question.



Tori Spelling has some sort of fancy-ass chicken that sleeps in her bedroom or some such nonsense. She blathered on about it on Twitter, asking if it was normal.

Tori, Dean and their crew are fun to watch, as reality shows go, but I have to take issue with this chicken-in-the-basket, um, house.

Let it outside for the love of the Colonel!

JAPANESE GREEN TEA AND JEANS

Know what makes for a really special lunch on a random February day in the glorious beauty of West Palm Beach?

Japanese food, complete with a mini, super heavy, castiron kettle of steaming hot green tea.

Know what is even better?

Wearing the tea on your jeans.

Remember that kid song you sang, or perhaps you did not sing it. If you DID, you know how it goes...tip me over and pour me out. Yeah, that's what I did today.

I decided to tilt the tiny kettle to the spillage point. Basically, I poured liquid green into my smooth Japanese cup until the top poped off the kettle and dumped contents onto the table and my lap.

Well, I know green tea is good for absolutely everything, health-wise...why not denim?

FAKE HEARTS AND FLOWERS

Valentine's Day is quickly approaching and isn't it JUST what we need? Another day of forced what-have-you. Cards, candy, flowers and more.

I say forget about February 14, and be romantic and, well, what-have-you, on a date YOU select.
Still, my heart did flutter when I received this little box of sugary hearts with meaningful love quotes. Aren't they just special as can be?

Damn, why don't they make these all year? You know what? Perhaps I need sugary, lovey-dovey morsels in July. What about that? Huh? What do you say to THAT candy and jewelry makers?

Wait. Jewelry? Let me think a second!

BROKEN CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE OF THE FUTURE

Now, here we have a bottle that KNOWS its future. People sign in and looks all golden and fabulous. NOT FOR LONG!!
That over-sized bottle of bubbly was bound for the hull, or whatever, of the new Oceania cruise ship, Marina!! What a waste of good...well, I don't really know what's inside, so we will leave it.

MOP IT WITH WINE

Post Super-Snooze-Bowl, let us take a look at a bunch of wine going bye-bye!

PLANET SNOW AND A BOARD

Sort of feeling left out with snow blanketing the entire universe or maybe just half the universe. Plus, who wants see photos of blazing sun, sand and surf if you are looking outside at frozen rain, right?
To get into the spirit of all these snow days from Texas to Canada, let's snowboard, virtually.

BAD WITH JON HAMM

I know hundreds, well, perhaps THOUSANDS of people will tuning in with kale chips and fat-free dips to watch two teams try to be bad and break each other on the football field in Arlington, Texas.

Ho-hum.

It's boring me already.

I'd rather listen to Jon Hamm talk bad.

BONGOS, NOT JUST FOR MATTY MC

Gloria and Emilio Estefan have a fab restaurant in South Florida called, Bongos. Super gorgeous, great food and they even bring your check in a Cuban cigar box. They have left no special touch, untouched!



The place has the best vibe, you just want to hang out and listen to the music they pipe in.


There is an almost overpowering aroma of incense floating all around you.
Now, if gazing upon an elegant chandelier doesn't do it for you and you still think bongos belong only to Matthew McConaughey, or if that historic gem has eluded you, here's a little reminder.

GROUNDHOG DAY IS LOST IN TRANSLATION

It is Groundhog Day, yada, yada, yada. Little Phil and his tiny head translating shadows into weather predictions is all fine 'n dandy. However, it's lost on me and I never even think of it again. However, I do think of the Bill Murray film. NO, not that one...THIS one...

JAWS SEEN LURKING AROUND PALM BEACH

According to various news sources in the South Florida area, thousands of sharks are having a par-tay off the coast of Palm Beach. And, why not? It is the season and you know that brings on the sharks! Various sorts.

Basically, a shark is a shark, right?

Think again, Chief Brody. The proof is in the LEGO!

NAKED BROOKE BURKE, DANCING QUEEN OF ADVICE

Oh, for the love of dancing kittens, Brooke Burke, is out pimping a new book. It's called, The Naked Mom, or some such shtick.Brooke, PLEASE! Personally, I'd rather watch this video of nude dancing kitties than read her book.

If you enjoy pearls of wisdom from the Dancing Queen, BB, here she is on the beach. She's speaking...are you listening??

ZING, ZING, JUST WANNA HAVE FUN

Zooma, zooma, zoom!
I've been honest and have admitted to playing Cityville on Facebook, okay?

Sometimes I zip on Facebook, click on CV to send gifts and visit my neighbors to help them out. It's fun and the way I figure it, playing Cityville is no worse than watching some crap reality show or tuning in to gaze upon overpaid athletes bouncing around the screen.

The best part, seriously, is sharing the fun with a few fun people who just wanna have fun!!

Things get even more fun when the game goofs up and the boats begin to float through the city streets!!